This article was written by Taryn Moore – a certified Gentle Trauma Release© Practitioner.
I sat there listening to my intuition, making every decision from this place of knowing what was right, what I needed, and determining every movement and decision. I stood confident in every decision and choice in life as if on a magic carpet. I had control. I did my best not to let people in who could cause pain. I made choices that kept me out of harm’s way and had no expectations of others, and even more so, myself. I had created these small bubbles of family, friends, work, career, and relationships. The people in each group saw and knew me differently. It gave me small courageous wings allowing me to expand in some ways. I set myself up so well that believed I could control outcomes.
At least this is what I thought I was doing. What was truly happening was a lot different from the story I share. I was on a path of complete self-destruction. And yet, everyone who knew me thought for sure “all is good.” I was the model of success at work, I was drinking a lot at home. My finances were a mess, even though I made good money. I bought a house yet could not keep it in good repair. There were so many contradictions in my life and yet, I thought I was in control.
In many ways, I began to rebuild, change my thinking, and move forward little by little. There were many slow but sure changes in my life, and Gentle Trauma Release© became this final healing place. I remember one day in the middle of my Gentle Trauma Release© Training, I was sitting on my bed. I was calm and attentive, and relaxed when this thought rolled into my space. “I really do not like myself very much. Oh my God, I truly do not like myself very much.” I just sat with that thought. I did not cry or allow it to break me down, but I acknowledged it. And accepted it.
This was where I was on that one day and I knew I was not taking it forward into my future. I knew because Gentle Trauma Release© provides the tools for releasing these emotions and healing from a healthy place. I had done the trauma work – I was using the main Gentle Trauma Release© healing protocols (Basic Recipe, Emotional Release Recipe, The Finish and Complete Element, Tame The Critic Recipe, etc. ). I worked with many of my fellow students, all offering me so much healing.
As I sat on that bed, I could see myself sitting outside of my body. The soul of me, that one authentic part of me was not coming back in. Trauma had been a mask. A thick veil covering me from the truth of trauma in every corner of my being, and it had affected me emotionally, physically, and internally- body, mind, and soul. But as Gentle Trauma Release© began the process of clearing out those cobwebs of trauma, she (me) was ready to come back into that body that sat next to her. But she did not trust her own thoughts on matters. Was I healing from trauma? Was there more to come? Was I strong enough and healed to know that my choices were good? Outside of my body, I could see things differently. My spirit, the truest part of me was operating outside of my body.
The pain of trauma had me working from outside my body and I could not have understood or seen that when I was deeply entrenched in trauma. But now, I could see it and now I knew the illogic of the idea that if I stayed outside my body, anything that affected my body would not hurt. I was living outside my body and if I stayed outside of it, in the best and miserable times, I could easily let go of it, and it could not affect me. And as I healed, I could also see that the pain of trauma could still reach me, affect me, and have its way with me.
As trauma left my body, I began to see myself and my truth. I began to also see the separations from where I was living. Imagine sitting in your body and feeling ineffective, lost in translation, but the latest version of me wanted to learn a better way of listening and acting from this place of authenticity. I knew that I was in a new space in my life. I had cleared the way, but I did not know how to discern false thinking, my intuition – which was so tied to the past and learn to listen from a new perspective.
The world was bringing it all up in relationships with others to help me figure it out. I was dating again and that brought a lot of doubt and old ways of looking at it. At work, I was speaking up more, but not trusting myself as I had in the past. With family, I was vastly different from who I was before, and this sometimes brought anger or disappointment within, but also an immense amount of love and forgiveness. I would wake up in the morning with a sore throat. I knew that sore throat was telling me it was time to activate my senses, and use my voice not only to others but to myself as well. My body was waking up and telling me I was stuck, and change needed to happen. But how?
My first step was agreeing that I was going back inside my body. And I was going to learn how to stay inside my body regardless. That means a lot practicing the Basic Recipe and the Emotional Release Recipe a lot. After each session, I reminded myself “Taryn, you are in your body, how does it feel, what is on your mind, is there more to release?” These simple questions led me to want to understand my body, to be able to trust the thoughts and feelings showing up, and knowing when they were right, and when there might be some that were wrong.
I began with one of GTR tools – “Dropping Safely into the Body” to get used to the feeling of being and staying in my body. Whenever sensations or emotions started to come, I was gone, out of my body. In my past, these were the drinking days, the lack of physical awareness, loose values, and beliefs, and stuffing myself with food. As I began losing the need to do these things, I also had no idea how to get back into the body, and if I wanted to, but I knew I needed to. My old ways, and this new me were in a little conflict and the new me was stronger.
As I activated the calming points on my hands and face and moved into the Rock and Soothe Motion, I established my Safety Anchor (you learn all of this in the GTR Training). That was a new concept for me, and I could feel the process of creating my own Safety Anchor and I could feel the transition from outside of my body to in it fully. There was a rhythm that was safe and comforting.
I could feel it emotionally, but I struggled with seeing it visually. Color, size, shape, temperature within my body were all foreign to me. I was not sure if it was because I never allowed myself to feel, or if it just didn’t exist for me. I started with making it up. I said the first color I thought of, I described size, texture, and temperature the same. But as I went through the process, I realized like a meditation, it was a way of keeping me focused and inside my body. What I chose did not really matter, what mattered was I was staying with it. When I looked at good vs bad feelings in my body, the colors, size, shape, and texture changed in how I stated the information, I was focused on my body. As I continued the process, I truly could see color, texture, size, and temperature. And in many cases the colors, textures, size, and temperatures stayed the same. What began as making it up, I could really feel the resistance as well as the pleasure in my body as I moved through the process.
I was now in my body. And yet I knew there was more to learn. I based many decisions in my life on my intuition. An intuition I believed in, but it was not always right. Dropping into my body worked. I felt safe, I felt I could trust what I was feeling. But I found myself still making decisions from an intuitive place from my past. Or rather, I was still making similar decisions. My intuition always came in certain ways. A gut feeling, a level of anger or sadness, a headache. I needed to connect what I had learned more frequently and accurately. My next step was the “Body Intuition Blueprint.” I was relying on old ways of thinking. This Blueprint showed me the need for incorporating many distinct types of intuition. The Middle Body Intuition, the Lower Body Intuition, and the Upper Body intuition. So often I heard “you are thinking too much in your head” or “Your intuition (your gut feeling) is not going to help.” Well, when you look at your whole body as intuitive and you combine and learn from the messages you get from all three intuitive places, your intuition is so much more powerful.
As I began using my whole body for my intuition, I received so much more information. I could tell if it were a choice I wanted to make and if it would make me happy. I would know if it was safe, and how I wanted to go about it. With so much more information my intuition became an immensely powerful part of my life. I could stay in my body knowing that I had what I needed to feel safe and secure in place.
As I began putting this process to work, my experiences became more enlightened. I was not looking outside of myself for answers. I wasn’t expecting happiness or approval from anyone or acceptance. I am strong in who I am, what I want, and how I am going to get there.
From a physical place, I can share that I don’t get headaches or a feeling of dread. I feel strong in my body. I walk stronger without pain, I sleep better and have my own internal alarm clock. I am happy and filled with a sense of awe about my life and all around me. Do things pop up from time to time? Yes. We are always a work in progress. This I know to be true, and I know that I am on the path, my path.
Taryn Moore is a certified Gentle Trauma Release© Practitioner and a women’s Empowerment Coach. Taryn is the founder of the Barefoot Woman Academy offering personal coaching and powerful online programs and trainings to women looking to embody their most empowered Self. You can find out more about Taryn at gtrpractitioners.com/tarynmoore.